We human beings are emotional. We may try to hide or suppress our feelings, but in the end, they have a way of coming out, sometimes in unhealthy ways. For our own mental well-being, and harmonious relations with others, we need healing, and we need to learn to forgive.
What is healing? It is the process of spiritual, intellectual, emotional and physical restoration under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I’d like to focus on emotional forgiveness.
The need for emotional forgiveness can occur in many ways. It can be from childhood, school, friends, love relationships, work and a variety of situations. It often occurs in our relationships with our parents. That was true for me.
My father was one of 11 children. He believed in being a good provider. Children were to be seen and not heard. In fact, he usually ate alone. If we were there, we were forbidden to talk.
I was active in school, specifically with sports and in student government. There were a number of events that my parents were invited to attend. Often neither of them attended. My mother occasionally showed up, but I can never remember my father coming to any sporting or school event other than my graduation.
What did that do for me? It made me feel that I wasn’t worth anything. Everything else was more important than me. It led to my seeking attention from the opposite sex and in general, addictive behaviors, particularly overeating. I have had some degree of depression for as long as I can remember. I always felt that I wasn’t good enough. Whatever I did, it was never enough to “fill my bucket.”
I was driven. It expressed itself in performance of some kind. In college, it was a high grade average. Later, it was climbing the corporate ladder. I was always trying to win the approval of my parents, especially my father. Nothing seemed to work, no matter what I achieved.
It wasn’t until I discovered the love of my Father in heaven that I was on the road to healing. Growing up, my relationship with God the Father was close to zero. I equated Him to my earthly father. Therefore, it was too painful to deal with Him or to try to have a relationship. I never prayed to Him because I felt I wasn’t good enough for Him to listen to my requests or needs.
Everything changed when I gave my heart and soul to Jesus Christ. My eyes were opened to unconditional love. Previously, I didn’t have a clue to what that was. Love to me was based on performance or what one could do to please another person. When I read Romans, everything changed:
Romans 8:1 “Hence, now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Wow! What did that mean to me? God was not condemning me? God loved me unconditionally? I read further in Romans 8 and it changed my life:
Who will bring a charge against God’s chosen ones? It is God who acquits us. Who will condemn? It is Christ [Jesus] who died, rather, was raised, who also is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. What can separate us from the love of Christ? Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword? … No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:33-35, 37-39).
What did that mean to me? It meant that I could forgive myself for not being perfect because God loved me unconditionally. When that went from my head to my heart, it changed me from having to prove myself to God to just being me. I felt relaxed and not stressed all the time.
My inner healing was enhanced when I read Ephesians:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens, as he chose us in him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and without blemish before him. In love he destined us for adoption to himself through Jesus Christ in accord with the favor of his will (Ephesians 1:3-5).
That was almost too much for me to comprehend. I was blessed and holy. I received grace and spiritual blessings because I was His adopted son! How could I be depressed or feel badly about myself if I meditated on this truth? I realized that I had to surrender to the love of my Father in heaven, a Father who I had never connected with or even wanted to connect with or have a relationship.
While this was life-changing, the devil wanted me to continue to live in bondage. There was an inner war going on inside me that continues to this day. This meant that I had to surrender my unconscious to the will of my Father for me to experience inner healing. The importance of 2 Corinthians 10:4-6 became obvious:
For the weapons of our battle are not of flesh but are enormously powerful, capable of destroying fortresses. We destroy arguments and every pretension raising itself against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive in obedience to Christ, and are ready to punish every disobedience, once your obedience is complete.
The enemy always tried to put thoughts into my head that I am not loveable, not worthy, not forgiven or worse. Reading and memorizing these Scriptures is important. We must understand how much God loves us in order to grow in holiness. God will show us His love when we open our hearts to Him and look for it. Every time we think otherwise, that God doesn’t love us unconditionally when we sin, know that the enemy is trying to get us discouraged and defeat our mission.
Forgiveness through Inner Healing: Sacraments, Devotion to Mary, Scripture
It is important that we build spiritual muscle. One of the critical areas for us is the sacraments. We can’t have the forgiveness we need within our minds unless we are healed through the sacraments. This is especially true for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This is absolutely necessary for us to have inner healing. Without reconciliation, it is impossible to have the inner healing we need to be made whole.
I can’t recommend enough the importance of having a spiritual director. We simply need someone to go deep into our hearts and souls and give us feedback that will heal us emotionally and spiritually. I often reflect on St. Paul’s words in Romans:
What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I concur that the law is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that good does not dwell in me, that is, in my flesh. The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not. For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want. Now if [I] do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me (Romans 7:15-20).
We need the ultimate healer, our Lord Jesus Christ. We try to do what God wants but we fall short of the mark. We need every tool. A spiritual director will help us understand the triggers to sin. He or she will assist in building maturity and spiritual muscle to overcome the temptation to sin. It is important to try to find someone we can see on a regular basis if we want to be used by the Lord effectively and have our ministries grow and flourish. Ask your pastor who he recommends!
I truly believe that the Blessed Mother and the rosary are absolutely critical for our inner healing. We have a spiritual mother who loves us and will intercede for us. Praying the rosary every day will help protect us from evil and give us the grace to do God’s will. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of having a relationship to Mary. Many devout teachers of our faith, including holy priests, have said the quickest way to become a saint and achieve holiness is through the Blessed Mother. If you don’t have a relationship with her, ask her to come into your life. Pray the rosary daily and expect your life to change in a profound way.
One of the most important tools for us in respect to inner healing is to pray the Scriptures. Truly read it every day and expect it to take over your life. Without reading and imbibing the word of God, I fall prey to my own emotions. What does Scripture do for us?
Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart (Hebrews 4:12).
I believe that if we truly understand the word of God, we would have it with us at all times. More importantly, we would read, memorize and use it on a daily basis. When will speak the words of Scripture we speak the power of the Lord through the Holy Spirit. As Catholics, most of us did not grow up with this mentality. The word of God was simply something to listen to at Mass.
An example of the power of Scripture is the teaching of love. We know that God is love! We learn that in 1 John. With love, we are healed emotionally. We learn from 1 Corinthians the importance of love:
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated. It is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrong-doing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues they will cease; if knowledge it will be brought to nothing (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
Think how our lives would change if we spent our time reading Scripture and having these words in our hearts rather than if we just watched television or spent time on our electronic devices. This is expressed clearly in Hebrews 5:12-14:
Although you should be teachers by this time, you need to have someone teach you again the basic elements of the utterances of God. You need milk [and] not solid food. Everyone who lives on milk lacks experience of the word of righteousness, for he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those whose faculties are trained by practice to discern good and evil.
The word of God heals us and inspires us to do the will of God. We learn about the power of the tongue in Proverbs 18:21:
Death and life are in the power of the tongue; /those who choose one shall eat its fruit.
And also James 3:5-11:
In the same way the tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze. The tongue is also a fire. It exists, among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehenna. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. This need not be so, my brothers. Does a spring gush forth from the same opening both pure and brackish water?
This teaching is critical for inner healing of forgiveness. If we forgive ourselves emotionally and forgive others, we must guard every word we say. Only focus on the positive, what is going to build up our relationships and our image of ourselves.
Jesus wants to heal us, but we must want to be healed emotionally. To forgive is to desire forgiveness. Jesus died on the Cross for us. He did not create “junk” but someone who is blessed, holy and full of love. Ask Jesus to go deep into your heart and mind and heal you emotionally. Go back as far as necessary to sweep out anything that is not of the Lord. He loves us passionately!
